田宇 (TIAN YU)

Chinese Poet, Author, Translator

Three short stories of Tian Yu

• The Humorist And His Wife

   “Oh really, you can’t imagined what I said at that time… My president said it was too humorous.”

The humorist’s wife had a wrinkled face today since morning, as if the rainy season is coming in June. He knew it was time for him to show off his skills, because he was called the “Natural Maker of Humor”by others always. But based on his ten-year experience of living with his wife, he’s not sure of it this time too. And as he knew, she’s a very special woman, and also since this, he fell in love with her in his young age. But whether it was before or after marriage, she seemed to have a lot of thoughts all along, with more summers on her face and too less autumns. This caused a lot of troubles for him too. Those jokes made among colleagues and clients seem to have little effect on her. He felt that it was wrong enough to find a sense of accomplishment in her. But today, he deliberately asked for a day off from the company to accompany his wife out to relax. When sitting on a chair in an outdoor cafe, she seemed to think of something again, without saying a word, only frowned over there. He tried two or three jokes to her, but it didn’t work anymore. Fortunately, only the boss at the bar there, so he isn’t yet embarrassed anyway. He’s an old man about in sixties. He doesn’t look like a ridiculous nuisance, so he wants to play as long as he wants ,to make his wife to raise the corner of her mouth is enough. This time he intends to talk about daily pleasures, and he hopes that he’s on the right path this time.

“I asked who brought the coffee over my eyes, and it turned out was that poor fish from Cuban haha. I just said then:’No wonder now the coffee stained on my papers are longer than the leg hairs on the cigars in my bag.’ Hahaha , How about it, am I very witty?” He gestured to complete a masterpiece, but his wife is still like that, without even looking at him.

He continues to think some funny things rack his bag.

“Once my president asked it: ‘What kind of antonyms are more like?’ I just replied it in hurry: ‘Synonyms.’ haha, How about this dear?” He’s still acting in most hard.

She looks up at him, and disdains to say: “Shit.”

It had already made him more ecstatic. Oh as we know, how important it was for his wife to break this silence, which indicated the beginning of the relaxation of the atmosphere.

“Oh ya, you’re right darling, I’m a fool,haha.” She didn’t laugh, but he laughed at first.

At this time, that old boss who’s packing something at the bar coughs dryly. The humorist looks up at him, just thinking that man’s blaming his loudly talking.

He carefully observed that guy’s appearance, and suddenly says to the woman cheerfully:

“Look at that stout guy, I can be very sure tonight the moon must be more round by seeing his figure haha.”

He made very sure that his voice was low enough and only his wife could hear it.

She still has the same old appearance, and his instincts and signs showing that there isn’t any preparations for any changes now.

He begins to have a little uneasy now, cause from the bottoms of his heart he had to admit that the resources of humor were somewhat exhausted.

He sits down close to her, also her face’s still turning away from him, looking into the distance with thinking.

He’s looking around now, his anxious heart makes his eyes hungrily searching for preys, even if God can gives him a hint.

In such a summer time, still a heart as cold as an ice. And it’s precisely this heart that belongs to the body of a humorist! Isn’t this an irony of God?

Just at this moment, a strange wind blow and lift a young woman’s skirt. Great, he immediately notices it, a good opportunity may from the God! He knows that his wife had seen it too. It’s a rare opportunity in a lifetime. This is the moment that he had been waiting for in long time!

He immediately stands up and say to his wife: “Look darling!That woman’s skirt was…”

Before he finished speaking, he was slapped by her first, and then he was taken aback in there alone.

“Shameless pig!” She leaves such words and get up to walk, but he’s still baffled by the blank thoughts.

“Hey, man.” Someone slaps him on the shoulder and frightened him. He just find, it’s that fatter-boss of cafe.

“You’re humorous, and just like a kidding!” He’s praising this real humorist, without any heavy hands, but shoot for the moon too.

• The Means Of Romance

   Let’s count the means of romance together now please: may give your lovers a gold ring on Valentine’s Day, or invite your lovers to watch a firework on a certain summer night, or suddenly pay it at the wedding anniversary dinner,presenting a bunch of flowers to him or her…All the ways that we can think of , and the God will nod and agree it too, then create one after another moving scenes for later imitation by others. In my observations of many couples, I found that the men are always the one who love to create the romantic atmosphere, and it isn’t ruled out that there’re more poetic women too of course. Over time, when “Romance” finally becomes a task for the lovers, without any impurities, the higher the concentration of distillation, the deeper the feelings of a drama will be given to the bystanders. Therefore, the producers of the”Romance” play the role like Karajan, and so they need to control the rhythm of the marriage and love always.

With the romance, and love is naturally involved too, and love is entangled in the heart of everyone who had experienced or is experiencing now in fact. For example, as John’s “love of God” is also like the “natural love” between the men and women. In short, it’s just the word of”lovers” is enough. So please remember in tightly that as long as you love someone suddenly, at least need two people can complete the process of “love”. Of course, “the more the better”. If the love was entangled, what’ll be the results at the last? For example, like the Diana and Endymion, Phobos and Laurel, Jupiter and Juno, I think that the relationship between the humans is just like this, but the directions of pursuit isn’t consistent in usual.

In one small park beside the Second Avenue, always a familiar face was greeted every sweet afternoon-she’s Ms. Real,looked about forty years old already, wore the regular shirt and gown, carried a bag sewn in goatskin. Oh, with all due respect please, she was simply too ordinary enough. The slightly haggard face always carried the melancholy that only the divorced women would have. Her pace was very sloppy always, sometimes staggering in fact, the feelings for others that she’s a moonless,who’s in more apathetic and middle-aged,without any purpose too.

Let’s have a look at the environment here now. The quiet trees and grass were dotted with various figures from time to time always.So many lovers were there always, and the parents who looked after their children, or those successful personage who had purpose in life,only treated this place as passing by. All places with a slight depression have the chairs for people to rest,it’s the paradise for hobos at night as we knew. It’s a small forest over there, and to the north is a square with crowds of feeding pigeons and a flock of pigeons is eating.

Ms. Real often chose to sit down on a chair near the square, where the noise could disrupt her thoughts of some sorrows. But those White Angel flew out sometime couldn’t take away her frown. No one knew what she was worrying about always, and perhaps no one could recognize her here too.

This moment in dusk again, and Ms. Real reappeared in this small park and walked to the familiar area with her usual pace. Unfortunately, there was someone sitting on the chair one step ahead of her. She took a quick look at that guy. That she looked like a girl in twenty age, dressed in very fashionable, but different from other hip-hop young persons. She has a blond hair, with delicate skin and a quiet face. She was looking towards her front right and thinking about something now. Ms. Real breathed a sigh of relief. She judged this girl was a person who could talk with.

She walked to this girl, “Excuse me,is it free?” Her voice echoed in the park, although it was a little low, but still be sincere enough. The girl turned her head suddenly in surprised, and then replied with a smile: “Oh sure.” With a moving of her body. Ms. Real sat down, while the girl was still looking towards the front right.

The silence was just like the heavy hand, especially when there had a person next to her, but without any whistle. Ms. Real couldn’t help it finally, she patted that girl on the shoulder, “Excuse me, is there something wrong with the front right? Or…what’re you looking at?” The girl turned her head again, “Oh sorry Madam, what did you just say? I missed something just now.” “It’s doesn’t matter, sorry, my name is Real, glad to meet you.” Actually, she also felt that it was the first time she was with so many words in this side,and she used to think she was a dumb here before. The girl finally turned around and said, “Oh hi, my name’s Laura Linney, but you can call me Laura.” The long-lost conversation made her heart warm again. Originally, this girl was a very suitable person for conversation in sure.

“I just, oh, with all due respect, your constant gaze aroused my interest in fact. What I mean is, what had you been looking at?” The girl suddenly blushed, and she was silent for a moment, then she turned her face to there again. “It’s Fancy.” Following the girl’s gaze, Ms. Real saw the person whom the girl was focusing on now-Fancy, a middle-aged man about forty age. The dresses wasn’t in high-end, but appropriate definitely, typical of the mature image of a gentleman. Leaning against them by a tree there. With her previous experiences, she can guess the relationship between them easily.

“What a charmer, and he’s your…?” She wanted to go ahead. The girl’s face flushed even more. “It’s hard in imagining right? Actually he’s my honey.” Ms. Real just realized something immediately, “Oh no, you did overthink as true. As long as you two love each other without any doubts, the age isn’t a problem at all.” The girl had a gently reply then. “Why did he choose to stand there but not come to be with you dear?” “He always like that, and always reminded me  that keeping a little distance from each other will more romantic indeed.” A faint smile crossed Ms. Real’s lips., “Sounds like that he’s quite one who had caught the enjoyable of life.” The girl lowered her head shyly, “More than that in fact, he can be regarded as a romantic knight. I have work as a store clerk in a cafe, and he’s the owner of a company. Who could imagine that we’re together already with so far apart of each other? But we just did. He would drive to pick me up every day, and still insisted on giving me a love letter every day even though we were a couple, and… so much Madam, and I’m sure that you can understand it.” Ms. Real stared at the girl, and said in slowly,”Maybe after a few years, all will be changed in strange.” The girl stared at her too, “Are you sure Madam?” She shrugged, “I hope it’s not dear, and… Oh, his name’s Fancy, your sweetness can last a long time I believe, bless you all, you’re a good girl,and he’s also a gentleman.” “Thank you.” The girl was returning to think about something again, Ms. Real felt in windy, “Always here or not dear?” “Oh no… oh yes Madam,Cause he said that he likes to come here every weekend to make the life a little bit colorful. “Oh, not bad.” “And you Madam? Always here or not?” She replied in hesitantly, only afraid to pass on her “unfortunate” to this happy girl,especially with this nice atmosphere now. “Me? Oh I really came here always to have a walk or made a scene to those people who was passing by here, sometimes there would have many children passing by only haha, it was the most interesting time for me.” The girl smiled and kept silence again.

Let’s take few minutes of blank space please, and have a look at that gentleman together. He glanced back at the two ladies sometimes, and then turned around quickly, always took out the cigarettes from his pocket,later the smoke would spit out in the direction of the square, with two pigeons “fluttered” and flew.

“Won’t you be with your husband here Madam?” The girl cut through the equilibrium suddenly. “Oh I…” There was a hint of embarrassment on Ms. Real’s face, and the girl realized it,”Oh sorry Madam, forgive my sparkle please.” “Oh nothing dear, haha.” She turned to smile again, “We just, our marriage had kept in twenty years already, and in a flat period too, so we need to separate for a little more time and let each other calm down in hurry.” “Of course.” The girl looked at Fancy’s direction in the distance, “I won’t…but maybe I’ll be like this in the future too.”Ms. Real suddenly felt this girl was very quiet and lovely enough, “Oh dear, you’re still young now, don’t think too much of it.” She smiled as usual, “Oh Ya madam, thank you.” After that they talked a lot about them, and a lot of things about the”Romance”.

Drew in evening later, the peace in this park gradually returned to the initiative. This was the moment of a day when the curtain ended.

Ms. Real looked at the watch on her wrist and said to the girl,”Oh, it’s so late now I think, you should also go to be with that poor knight now haha. You all have romance in fact, so don’t let him get tired please.” The girl smiled slightly, “It’s very good to chat with you Madam, and ya,I should go back now too.” She stood up then ,and Ms. Real noticed her wrist,”Oh dear,what’s that?” she pointed to a ring on the girl’s ring finger, “is it your token of love?” The girl touched the ring in shy again, “Oh yes, this is the beginning of our romance.” She nodded to the girl. ” Will you still stay for a while Mrs. Real?” “Of course dear,only for a while, bye Laura, oh yes, goodbye.” The girl went back, leaving the chair with Ms. Real alone, but her face was still haggard, with a worrisome melancholy.

Every moment at dusk, the temperature would always much lower than in early morning, even this in summer.

    Fifteen minutes after that girl left, Ms. Real stood up to prepare to leave too. At this moment, she stared at that guy standing behind the tree and walked towards him. “Hey, why did you follow me?” She asked the man in a soothing tone. “Little worries about you, came and had a look.” The man replied. “Oh right.” She was thinking something now. “Did you see that goldilocks?” “The one sitting with you?” “Ya” “Oh yes.” “Well, she was over there earlier than you. And always kept looking here. I was too afraid of the misunderstanding from you darling, haha, so I kept far from her” “You ‘re quite romantic, Jonny.” Ms.Real smiled, “We talked about you for a long time in fact.” “Romantic? Me? Oh my god,” He felt inexplicable. “Nothing Jonny, oh no, Fancy, let’s go, please. And I’ll promise you this time, I won’t run away from home in anger again!” She walked to a parked car next to her. “Fancy? Who is that? Oh dear, you made me confused indeed.” He was more surprised in fact. “Nothing dear, that girl had a good impression of you.” Ms.Real had gotten into the car with a warm smile already.

• The Yorkshire Christmas Cat On Thanksgiving

If someone can knocked on and get answered a stranger’s door, even hadn’t received the real comfort or a smiling face, he or she will be still the luckiest one in this world. At this critical time of autumn and winter, in addition to the loneliness, only the aeolian bells were fiddled from time to time, the women who entered their home always opened the attic windows to have a look to those laundry line brackets . It’s the normal life that we hope forever, as ordinary as it should be, and floated on the street with occasional emotions.

Today’s the fourth Thursday of November, an unusual day in this country. Yoki is preparing a turkey and the most cutest pumpkin pies in home now. A simple shabby hut but a truly natural place. She prepared it not only the dinner, but also wanted to build a kind of warmth. Even if her husband Lyle didn’t ready to get this surprise, she must jump in with both feet to use the warmth that from her brain to conceal the shyness of this residence and much blanks in no gifts given.

Lyle’s a postman in this town. He went out early and came back at dusk, always hoped to make up for some of the shortcomings of this family around this warm candlelight. The injured nerve is now so brittle that he can perceive the sound of snow falling on the palm of his hand, so for this special day, he had been looking forward to its coming as soon as possible. For the time, only less than a few hours away from today, he became nervous. There had nothing to give his wife as the expression, and only the falling body can be sent to home indeed. Cause of this, with two empty fists, he went to the farthest block to send the last letter. There’ll be fewer soul writing letters in the future, and the life which full of the poetic beauties will fly away too. Oh poor fish,where’s his future destination? He just thought it in deep, in dragging a heavy shadow.

It was about five o’clock when Lyle got home, he knocked on his door, and Yoki went to ask for it then, later his slightly thin leather bag was lied on sofa’s back in silence. She just smiled to him, “Today’s weather is in mood darling.” Surprised from her usual loser’s face, but more excited enough to let him go on it, “Oh ya, it’s awful. The wind had made us lose feeling in fact, just like burning a handful of firewood without any feelings of much haha.” She kept the warmth, “Of course.” And they were busying for themselves in doing this. She took care of the food on the table and sorted it out again. After all, it was important to pay attention in more-so much foods can kill the hunger for a week of them, it seemed shabby enough, but a solid truth too.And then, the prayers are also very important tonight for them. He went to their room to change the wearing. While he changed the clothes, she had lit two candles which were unevenly tall. There was a thick layer of oil on the candlestick, and the two waxes shed tears and looked at the people who’ll perform in the final song of Thanksgiving, burned the time in the hourglass. She also arranged the covers and sat on the seat by the door,and the seat clicked like a sigh.

All in ready now, but one of this blessed couple still in his side.The Bible was also waiting on the table, holding its breath too. The sound of “click”by the door was closed, followed by a sound of his footsteps.

“I’m sorry,a bit slow this time.” He wiped his hands,with the cold wind from outside. Just as usual, she took his seat by the door,to let him avoid the noise of the rumour.Of course, he knew her temper in well, and didn’t want to force her anyway.

“Doesn’t matter.”She smiled and let her husband sit down, even though the candles’ light weren’t enough to make them catch each other’s looking clearly.

And now the dinner was carrying on. Before the beginning, the prelude was very important as they knew-that was the prayers. Both closed their eyes and supported the “Bible” with their hands. About five minutes later, They stared at each other at first and then began to enjoy this like luxurious night. Apart from eating and staring at this moment,without anything else, even if some conversations. The door was screamed and aggrieved by those wind always visited them from time to time, and coughed to express the peace of this night. Tonight, in this room, there’s a book of “Bible” that’s dilapidated enough, every night after its oppressed by their hands, always be accompanied by the wind and lightness. And now,there’re two tearful candles interacting but without any eye contact. Perhaps something is missing in this hut now the moment, but something what is more too here again.

It was in the midnight when Yoki got ready and entered the bedroom, and Lyle had gone to the wonderful dream already in this time, she knew that he was busy the whole day today very well, although she did too, she covered him with the quilt and sighed again quietly. Looked back through the window at the transparent sky with a few ribbon-tip marks, it was looking at the world coldly now. She went to the bed and wanted to turn off the switch of the lamp placed on the old desk, suddenly she found that a note was pressed under the base. She took the slightly pitiful note and opened it, only some words looking at her tenderly, but more tears to be surged in seriously: Good night my baby!

Poem by: Eden Soriano Trinidad

Translated in Chinese by Tian Yu

《我爱我的同胞》

哦 请看一看佛教，

它 会更倾向于人道。

为中国人打气，

在这无助的时刻，

他们 更需要有别人的照料。

不必皱眉而感到厌恶，

“生活就像一个车轮”，

我们 是一个基督之国，

我们对此 是否应感到自豪？

向基督祈祷，

不管什么病，

他都可以治好。

为什么

我们现在 对中华民族如此恶毒紧咬?

所有菲律宾人 几乎都有，

我们的血液里 流淌着中国人的血液脉桥。

小心一点，

我们不会受到影响。

我们是同样的人，

“我亲爱的人类同胞。”